i may have just cried a little

if you've yet to see the new dick's sporting goods spot featuring jimmy rollins of the world series champion philadelphia phillies, then have i got a treat for you. you've got to like an athlete that can laugh a little. plus, rollins has that BAMF-west-coast-guy attitude going for him. which i usually despise, but in this case i'll let it pass.

in other jimmy rollins news, jimmy rollins wants to kill you.

chicago's most wanted

denver broncos quarterback jay cutler confirmed to espn today that he would like to be traded, to which new broncos head coach josh mcdaniels replied "boo hoo hoo, baby wanna tissue?"
seriously though, how did this thing get so out of hand? either cutler is a little girl or mcdaniels is a stubborn jackass. i'm going to leave that decision up to you.

actually, detroit, chicago and minnesota could be good fits. in fact, the vikings are yet again a very attractive prospect for an elite level nfl quarterback. everyone remembers their courting process with brett favre. they have a lot of great pieces in place, but still lack a real signal caller. tavaris jackson is michael vick with no arm. i'd like to see orton and jackson play catch together. it would be over in 2 minutes because they'd have to keep moving closer to pick up all their underthrown balls.

i get the knocks against cutler. he hasn't won anything. he's supposedly a whiner (which day by day is being confirmed by pretty much every sports fan in colorado.) he sometimes rubs teammates the wrong way. he played horribly at the close of this past season when the horrible afc west was theirs for the taking. blowing a multi-game lead in the division with so many games left in the season is not the kind of record we're looking to break here, kids.

but i can't help it; i like the guy's stats. but yet this makes my head want to blow up because you can NEVER RELY ON STATS. he puts up good numbers. pro bowl numbers, numbers that on another team could really do some good. but so far as a starter, he's gone 2-3, 7-9, and 8-8. still, when considering the quarterback position at about 9 or 10 nfl teams right now, i'd say anyone should take their chances. especially when your starting quarterback is tarvaris jackson.

so, to all chicagoans, write jerry a nice letter. ask him to get that dude from jacksonville that just got let out jail, go get torry holt, demote devin hester back to his rightful position (anything other than a #1 receiver), and do what you can to get this guy. he is a franchise quarterback on the market. for anyone that would like him. spend the freaking money and let's stop wallowing in 7-9 and 9-7 seasons. note to jerry angelo: sorry to burst your bubble, but kyle orton is not, i repeat, NOT, a franchise quarterback. this is your freaking chance to get what da bears have been missing since, well, since the last time they won anything of real importance.

jay cutler, if you're reading this, i know you grew up a bears fan. because smart people know purple is a stupid color anyway, and as far as detroit goes, no one wants to be anywhere near the term "rebuilding process" or the crumbling infrastructure of an entire city.

well that was awkward

did any of you see todd mcshay and mel kiper flip out a couple of weeks ago when they were brought onto espn to talk about the upcoming nfl draft? no? well, if you dislike mel kiper's snyde demeanor as much as i do, then here you go. a gift from me to you.

but on a serious note (kidding) let's talk about matthew stafford, the supposed future no. 1 draft pick. i have nothing against the guy. in fact, i kind of like him. in interviews, he seems cordial, humble, and ready to give all the lame answers all nfl gm's want to hear ("i'll play whenever, wherever they need me to. it's an honor to even be drafted.") blah blah blah whatever, you would break a golf club over someone's head if they asked you to bulk up and be a tight end. but i digress.

let's look at his stats. increased production year to year, ending with an impressive 25 touchdown to 10 interception, almost 3,500 yard junior season at georgia. not bad, i can see, statistically, why everyone is all up in the kid's grille. but, as ryan leaf always told me, and trust me, we're pals, NEVER RELY ON STATS.

georgia was supposed to win the title last year. anyone remember that? they had most of the tools to do so. a pretty impressive defensive line, a good running game, and an experienced upper classman running the show. there was supposed to be red and black confetti raining down the southern united states. (speaking of georgia, a florida fan told me a great joke, but i'll get to that later.) by all means, i do believe that, despite all the SEC this and SEC that, i begrudgingly agree that it's the elite conference. 3 national titles in how many years? exactly.

anyway, look at the three losses that kept georgia out of contending for anything other than a shiny trophy they could hold with pride on the field, then stash quickly in the janitor's closet when they got back to athens because bowl games mean nothing. ok, ok, a 41-30 loss to 'bama. not bad. not embarassing at all, alabama was playing really tough in the beginning of the season. in fact, they were damn near unbeatable. nothing to hang your head about, one loss doesn't keep you out of the title chase anymore.

but here's where it gets nasty. a 39 point loss to florida at home. oof. no touchdowns, three picks, a 103.81 passer rating. you wonder why they lost so badly, you sit back and stare at the sportscenter highlights in disbelief. then you realize that up until that point, georgia had played no one other than alabama. they only beat vanderbilt by 10 (given, vandy actually went to a freaking bowl game that year.) they only beat south carolina by 7. two losses is two too many for a lot of bcs voters. then the heartbreaking loss to georgia tech to finish off the season that never was. what gives?

i just don't get that feeling about stafford that i did about matt ryan when i saw him heave that prayer against virginia tech, or any of the multitude of fantastic plays that guy made while still dressed up for boston college. matt ryan is something to get excited about. he has the intangibles, he seems like a great leader. he made the atlanta falcons respectable. and although it's not like ryan's stats were ridiculously better than stafford's, you could tell that he was going to be something. everyone could.

so detroit, pass up on the qb. take, maybe, say, a wide receiver? (bahahahaha.) but no seriously, maybe that dude from wake forest, curry, or jason smith from baylor. sometimes the ugly positions are the ones you need to monitor the closest. and like mcshay says, wisely, in that HILARIOUS argument up above, you can't make stafford a franchise quarterback when he isn't. he will be a decent qb, don't get me wrong. but he is not a #1 pick.

oh, and that georgia joke. why does the river near jacksonville flow north? because georgia sucks!
it was a lot funnier if you were there, i swear.

d-wade...the bulldozer (lol) vs. spanish jerseys

by now, everyone in america has been hopping all over wade's stuff for that pretty much unbelievable almost half court, running 3 in 2 ot's to stuff the bulls in miami. all the while wearing a SWEET (not) "el heat" jersey. more on that later.
however you feel about flash, whether you have a problem with how he speaks about himself in third person, how he handles his injuries, one thing is undeniable; he now can find himself in the upper echelon of proven nba talent. there is no denying it.

in fact, right now i'm watching highlights of him tearing up the celts on his home court, the same court he hovered above last night, pumping his fists in unison with a racous miami crowd, screaming "this is my house." damn.
anyway, enjoy the rest of this dude's career, miami. unless you can pay him, and for some reason i have a hunch you won't, flash will be making a ridiculous amount of money in a different jersey. maybe somewhere nice...like...chicago? (i can hope.)

speaking of jerseys, what in the hell is going on with these spanish night promotions? i understand the intent, i really do, but there's something ridiculous about seeing that on a jersey that i just don't get. it makes me uncomfortable. kind of like seeing an nba franchise in freaking oklahoma.

...would someone please move the grizzlies/hornets/bobcats to seattle?